How to Accept Failure for the First Time

It was 6:30. It was time for me to leave the office. It should’ve been an ecstatic feeling – leaving the office. But that wasn’t the case. Something was wrong. As I exited the office doors with my colleague, there was something slowing me down.

“We should make our way through CCD to the bus stop” – I recommended to my brisk-walking colleague.

“Sure” – and we walked on the path decided.

The reason for my sudden attention towards Café Coffee Day (CCD) wasn’t something I craved. I am not a big fan of this place. The reason for my focus was the recent harrowing news: “CEO of Café Coffee Day Committed Suicide”.

Newspapers and articles had a lot of theories. The most common among them was pressure and feeling of abject failure. It was then that I started browsing LinkedIn. One of my connections there wrote an interesting post about the failure to accept first-time failure.

In the post, she stated how facing failure for the first time can be difficult for someone who hasn’t been developed for hardships. It made me think of when I was in 6^th grade, of not passing in first term mathematics. Of how it made me feel.

I’m this blog, we are going to look back at the time I faced my first instance of failure. Along the way, we will discover the importance of accepting failure. And finally, we will know what’s to be done to take that leap, and accept it for the first time.

Let’s talk about how does it feel to fail for the first time

6^th grade was a long time ago. But I remember it like it was yesterday. You always remember your first time. Tears didn’t even wait for a second before pouring out.

What will I tell mumma?

I am a good student. She can’t fail me!

Sir Maarenge!

Each thought was coupled with a heavy crying and a heavy breath. It felt like I couldn’t breathe. The world was spinning. I cried so much that the teacher took pity on me – and passed me. It wasn’t any better. I mean, what would a 90 percenter do with 40 marks? It still felt like a failure then.

So, let me list what it felt like?

1. Denial: I refused to acknowledge that I failed. I must’ve gone to the teacher 6 times to get the paper re-checked. Of course, I was rebuffed but now I realize that I was in denial.
2. Dread: I was afraid of how my parents would react. I was afraid of how my teachers would say about me. And, I was afraid of not being able to go anywhere from there.
3. Self-pity: I didn’t know what the word meant back in those days, but I know now. It was self-pity. Feeling continuously sorry for my self was a nice comfortable place. I felt like I am this faceless, hopeless, little kid that couldn’t just make it.

All I wanted at that moment was to go back in time, redo my exam and change my marks. It got so bad that in moment, I started to day dream about it.

And then, it arrived. A defence mechanism that could conquer all the three points. It was so powerful, that if I had stuck with it, I would’ve destroyed my whole life.

‘Excuses!’

Excuses are great diversions from the truth. They, literally hold our face and turn it away from our shortcomings. They are the lies that we ourselves can believe in to feel better. For a 6^th grader, it’s an easy path. Why won’t it be? We don’t have any responsibility when we are 12 years old.

However, it made accepting that first failure a bit easier. Don’t think the same will work for a grown-up. Excuses are believable lies and they end up holding more than just our lives in their hands. Therefore, we need to look at a better way to accept the first-time failure.

Accepting first failure is the first step of emotional growth

Now, it would seem odd to you as I started the blog talking about an adult and now, I am using the 12-year-old me as a platform to tell you how it feels. Don’t worry about it! It turns out, not excepting failure is a sign that we haven’t grown up yet.

If you doubt it, just remember Chatur (Silencer) Ramalingam from 3 idiots.

Accepting failure for the first time is a path of actual emotional growth. It’s a part of life that every successful soul has to understand.

Sustaining success is impossible without facing and accepting your first failure

Secret of accepting failure for the first time

Traditionally, someone like me would explain the 7 stages of depression to you. But, I won’t. Failure is not depression. It’s not a bad thing. Once you truly understand what failure is, you’ll accept it:

1. The first failure is a blessing in disguise: Your very first failure is a gift to you. It’s a step presented to you to move forward. Granted, sometimes, failures are going to make you re-evaluate your choices, but that’s what they are here for. To help us look back on choices.
2. First failure is a disruption in your life: Disruption means disturbance. However, in this era, it has been seen as something that can shake the system. A disruption is a wake-up call for you. It’s an alarm that pushes you with a strange renewed strength that you are not aware of.
3. First failure is a sign of your growth: Recently, a quote was sent to me, it said “If you are walking too fast without any issues, something is wrong”. As soon as you face such issues, you’re going to look for solutions to tackle them. It’ll open your mind and make you more mature.
4. First failure presents you with opportunities: Sometimes, we focus so much on the failure that we don’t look around it. My content was recently rejected by someone, but at the same time, I was told why I was rejected. I finally found the exact point where I have to focus on. If such a thing can happen to me, it can definitely happen to you.

Don’t focus on failure, focus on why you failed and it’ll become a greatest gift that you ever received.