7 Reasons Why Being Alone isn’t Bad

Dance like no one’s watching

We’ve all heard this quote and we’ve all embraced it. However, there is problem: someone is always watching. Someone is always there around you when you work – squinting their eyes and giving unasked opinions.  Sometimes, you value these opinions so much that you become afraid of being along – forgetting that being alone it isn’t bad at all. In fact, being alone is the greatest gift you can give to your stressed self.

As an only child who spends his days dreaming up fictional creations and living in amazing scenarios, let me tell you this: being alone let you do as you think, and you can always think amazing things.

And that’s not all I got 7 more reasons to play an advocate of solitariness.

Here are the 7 reasons being alone is not bad

Outline:

1. You no longer seek validation from others: Being around people is good, but it also limits you. For an insecure person, being in a crowd is like jumping into the pond of great whites. You constantly seek their validation from all the judgemental eyes. As a result, you try to change yourself for others, even before knowing what you are. Spending some time alone helps you validate yourself.

2. It helps you prepare for a conversation: What do you do when you have an interview schedules the next day? You go in front of the mirror – alone – and have a conversation with yourself. You try to get all the answers and the mannerisms right so that once you face the interviewer, you are confident. The same happens when you go out on a date. Being alone helps you prepare.

By running all possible scenarios and having fictional conversations, you make yourself ready to face anything.

3. You don’t have to compromise: I can’t tell you how many times I had to choose a way expensive restaurant to eat out because of expectation of my peers. I am a guy who likes cheap food, and is comfortable in cheap places. Being alone lets me be me.

The same can be with you. You can do whatever your heart desires, on your own time, and at your own pace. You don’t have to listen to anyone.

4.  It’s the only way to know yourself: Do you think you enjoy watching The Dark Knight Rises? Or you are merely tolerating it because your friends like it so much? Do you know what gets you motivated? Do you know what makes you a better person?

Answers to these questions can only be found when you spend some time alone. When you put these questions to others, they are going to answer with their own perceptions. But here is the thing, it’s their perception. Listening to their perception over and over will drive you away from the real you. So, spend time alone and inquire yourself.

5. It recharges your brain: When you are alone, your mind can finally relax. You can get lost into your imagination and come out with great ideas. Then once you’re ready to work, you work with more vigour, creativity and excitement.

Also, once your brain is charged, you become full with self-motivation to move forward with your day and conquer it.

6. It lets you tackle stress: You always seek distraction to curb stress. You choose it not out of necessity, but out of fear. Fear that once you are alone, we are going to over think and your brain will explode. This fear is a lie of limitation that you have to overcome. In fact, spending some time alone is one of the many secrets of a stress free life. 

Being alone will make you ask yourself questions. Why is this problem unsolvable? Is there an alternative solution? Why am I stressed? The closer you are to their answers, the less stressful you feel.

7. You’ll have more freedom: There is no feeling greater than being free to do whatever you want, be whatever you want, and eat whatever you want. Even when you make mistakes by doing anything, you’ll realize it on your own. This way, freedom will make you wiser.

Conclusion

If you can’t Dance like no one’s watching, you can dance when no one is watching. Have some fun on your own, with yourself, looking into your own being. Spending time away from prying eyes is the key to know oneself. Because if you define yourself, others will do it for you.

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7 Secrets of Leading a Stress-Free Life in This Age of Constants

We live in the age of constant motion. Constantly, either our bodies are moving, or our minds.

We are:

• Constantly worrying about something,  
• Constantly trying to come up with a new hustle,
• Constantly enraging looking at that politically incorrect blog,
• Constantly critiquing things we don’t agree with.........

You see where I am going with this. In this constant age of information, we have many things to engage with. And most of the time, our engagement isn’t healthy.

As a result, the only thing constant in our lives is stress. And we don’t even realize it. We have become so enamoured with what goes on around us that we aren’t looking inside. We don’t give to licks of squat about our own feelings. The longer we ignore them, the longer they burn us from the inside.

And you know what happens when you feel like you are burnt from inside – you lose your will to move forward. That’s why; most of my blogs have been so focused with dealing with depression and other things.

But still, what if we attack the root of the issue? What if we attack stress? After watching so many MindValley videos myself because of the stress I’ve imposed on my life, I decided to write something that’ll help us both.

Secrets of a stress-free life

The secrets of leading a stress-free is this: there is no secret. Yeah, you are right. I just pulled off a Kung Fu Panda lesson for this blog. It’s all about you.

Your stress happens to your brain. Your brain acts upon your commands. Your commands are often a reaction to what you see, feel, hear, perceive. Control your actions and you’ll control your stress.

Keep this mind as I talk to you about the seven “secrets” of leading a stress-free life.

1. Look for positive in every situation: Many of you might feel that this statement is too sanctimonious, monotone and even cliché. The truth is – IT IS! However, just like any cliché, it works.

It’s difficult to feel positive when you’ve failed in an exam, got rejected in an interview, or rejected from a relationship. But you don’t have to feel it; you only have to look for it. Alter your perception. Promise yourself that you’ll be better next time. Be optimistic that there are better things coming up. Motivating yourself through the thick and thin of every situation and your mind will start to unload.

2. Embrace your creative side: We are all creative in some shape or form. Some of us know how to dance. Some of us know how to sing and some of us know how to showcase our writing an audience (shameless plug alert). However, all of us have to put in a fair bit of thinking in doing what we do.

What do you do when you stress? You think, mostly with a train of thought that goes in a circular platform. There is exit. Creativity gives an exit to that train, that’s why we say Creative outlet:  creatively letting the stress out.

3. Support, don’t criticize: The very first chapter of Daniel Carnegie’s “How to win friends and influence people” is an eye opener (and the only chapter I’ve read so far). It focuses on how you can win people’s hearts when you act as a friend, rather than a critique. But what’s the relationship with stress? It’s really simple.

Your actions are reactions to what you perceive. If you give a positive response, you’re going to receive a positive one. It’s the primary way to reduce stress in this cynical age, where much of your behaviour depends on how people act towards you.

In a way, you can think of this one as a cynical secret of relieving stress. Oh Daniel! You really knew how messed we’ll all be in your future.

4. Go crazy when no one is looking: Its fun being able to talk to your own self. Asking yourself questions. Closing your eyes and taking yourself on an imaginary journey into an imaginary world cooked up by your own imagination. In this world, you have complete control over your behaviour. You can be away from the judgemental and prying eyes and be yourself. And then, you can literally “visualize” the stress away from your mind.

The more you take this imaginary journey, the more you introspect. Introspection then leads to finding out the root of your stress. And when you realize where your stress is coming from, you can “uproot” the reason.

5. Detach yourself from your emotions: When you are stressful, your emotions are like tsunami – sweeping you away, thrashing you around, killing your focus. But, it only happens if you are swimming in that emotional-ocean. That’s why, it’s important to detach yourself from your emotions. 

When you can detach from your emotions, you can detach from your stress. Then you realize that it’s you who jumped into the tsunami on your own accord. Regaining control of your actions means being a spectator of your emotional self. Take a hard look at this self. Why is he/she feeling like that? What’s the cause? How he/she is reacting to the source of stress?

The more you are able to answer these questions, the deeper you’ll be able look into your emotions and the better you’ll get at handling stress.  How to look at your emotional self? Well, the 6^th point is based on that.

6. Remove trash from your mind: Meditation is an ancient art bestowed upon us by our ancestors. But, we have forgotten all about it. Why? Because unlike them, we don’t have time to sit around and think about whatever the hell we are inside – the greatest argument from a procrastinator.

What I’ve realized from my day as a fulltime professional is this: we always have time, but not for things that are good for us. We have time to get into political arguments. We have time to critique a movie. Hell, we even have time to make a joke about Sharma Ji ka beta but when it comes to stilling our minds, we don’t.

Just know this, all your arguments and your input about vain topics are worth nothing, to anyone. And they shouldn’t be worth anything to you either. Remove these vain things (trash) from your mind. Allow it to focus on actual purpose. It will help you look at your emotional self.

7. Do one thing at a time: Everyone aspires to be a multitasking ninja. And yes, it’s amazing. What you don’t realize however, is that being stress-free is the requirement to be one. Therefore, it’s better to slow down and breath when you are feeling overloaded.

Focus on one thing at a time will give you purpose, and you’ll forget what you were stressing about.

What’s the common denominator in all the points above? They all depend upon your actions. Take the right ones and see your stress float away. Take the wrong one, and the stress will become physical.

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How to Handle a Depressed State of Mind

When, an overwhelming sadness surrounds you, you enter a state where you don’t know about your own feelings. You don’t find anything interesting, enjoyment baffles you and you can’t muster a single positive thought. It’s like a dark and bottomless abyss. You keep falling in it, but don’t have the motivation to look up and find a way out. This is depression. An ultimate destroyer, it perishes dreams, hobbies and lives of many.

There are many topics, many medications and many ways to get out of the depressive state of mind. However, many still find it hard to come out of that. And, they are right. It is hard.

Dealing with depression on your own is not just a mountainous task, it’s also nigh impossible. However, there is a way to stabilize your mind when you are in a depressive state. Only then, the healing can finally begin.

Dealing with depression on your own

To this day, there is a social stigma surrounding depression. People aren’t willing to openly talk about it because they are afraid of being judged. And they are right. The world is full of too many judgements and not many solutions. Therefore, if you seek to handle depression without medication, you should go ahead. Here are some general tips to help you:

1. Get in a routine: Depression is a state of peaceful chaos. An oxymoron that does nothing and stops you from doing anything. Your days start and end in lazy disarray. To control this chaos, you need to get in a routine. By adding structure to your life, you start your attempt of building yourself up.
2. Set daily small goals: Negative emotions put you in a cage of the “no-win” belief. It makes you unable believe or comprehend success. The practical way to come out of this cage is to set small goals daily; ones that you can achieve. Achieving these small goals invigorate your desire to win and is a way how you motivate yourself in life.
3. Exercise to gain focus: Depression shrouds your mind under dark clouds of uncertainties – causing no goal in sight to focus on. If your mind can’t find a goal, let your body find a goal for it. Exercising focuses your mind. By physically exerting yourself, you give your mind something that it cannot shy its focus from.
4. Eat healthy to feel good: “A man’s heart is through his stomach”, a saying, while unrelated to the topic of this article, speaks truth. Depression makes your heart sink, making you lose the sense of happiness. Your body than acts to ineffectively emulate happiness by becoming gluttonous. Doing so does the exact opposite and your heart sinks further. Control what you eat and your body will energize – making you feel better.
5. Sleep more: To control the peaceful chaos of depression, you must find a way to relax your mind. And there is nothing more relaxing that losing yourself in dreams. Sleeping is how your body performs your internal functions. Its how your body recharges and comes up with new ideas, new aspirations and new look at life. If your depression is mild, a good night’s sleep can make you forget all about it.
6.  Use logic: One thing that you must always know about depression is this “Your mind doesn’t control you, you control it”. It’s a spiritual way of looking at your own self. Challenge the negative thoughts that come by implementing logical thinking. Logic gives you answers and when you have answers, your mind relaxes. Using logic to curb stomp negative thoughts is the principle way of dealing with depression in college students.
7. Take charge: Depression makes you act lazily. If something doesn’t interest you, you don’t pursue it, and when nothing interest’s you, you don’t do anything. However, when you know you are depressed, you have to actively act against how you feel. Take charge and pick up responsibilities. While it won’t treat depression at home (because nothing does), it will remind you what life is about: meaning. Find meaning and you mind calms, stabilising your mental state.

Dealing with depression doesn’t mean suppressing or eradicating it. There is no way you can handle depression alone. The above steps are merely to put your life on track. They will make you aware of your own predicament and then, you can act upon it.

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Seeing Through the Lies of Limitation and How to Overcome It

Every day, you come across some of the most amazing things people can do. The trick jumpers, the martial artists and the math prodigies that you see online make you go:

”Man, I couldn’t do that even if I tried”

To your reaction, I ask you this – HAVE YOU EVEN TRIED ANYTHING YET?

By adding the “not or ‘nt” to the word, you have imposed a limitation on yourself. As a result, you aren’t even willing to try.

Have you imagined what would have happened if Thomas Alva Edison Said the same thing? The guy couldn’t light the bulb......10,000 times. If he had stopped and thought to himself “I can’t” at one of his failures, you wouldn’t be reading this blog on any gadget, and considering how lazy I am when it comes to using pen and paper, you wouldn't be reading it anyway.

To bring it closer to home, what if Dara Singh said the same thing when he fought King Kong? I bet someone else would have been on our minds as Hanumanji.

Let's take to even more extreme, and talk about a man named Nick Vujicic. Nick was born with the tetra-Amelia syndrome – born without arms and legs.  Now, if you try to imagine how his life was, you would feel pity for him. But he rose to the occasion and became one of the best motivational speakers on the entire planet.

In being what he is, he has proved that limitations are lies that you either tell yourself or the world tells you

“It’s a lie to think you aren’t good enough. It’s a lie to think you are not worth anything.”- Nick Vujicic.

Through this blog, let us take a look into why limitations are a lie.

Seeing through the lies of limitations

Limitations are the greatest lies. Why they are the greatest lies – because it has stunted the evolution of most people in the world.

These are the 99 percenters, the ones that complain; the ones that while want to move forward, are limited by the one percenter.

As a result, they tell lies to themselves like: -

“Oh yeah, he is a genius. That’s why he has got it all”

“The guy must’ve born with the silver spoon in his/her mouth”

“Man, he is crushing us, and using us to make his mark”

Well, of course, he is. That’s why he has placed you between the field of limitations, where every grain is a sermon of what you can’t do and every bit of manure is made out of your crushed dreams.

However, he – the one percenter – didn’t do it all. You yourself watered the field to let the grains of limitation grow around you. However, it’s a field of lies, and you can burn it if you can see through these lies:

1. Limitations are just imaginations: When you see a task that appears too big to you, you disconnect it with humanity. You start to believe that the guy must have some kind of really special, superhuman talent to accomplish it. As a result, you don’t even see the one doing the task as a human. It’s just your imagination. The guy doing the things you see so difficult has done it through practice, something that can be achieved even by you if you are tenacious enough.
2. Limitations are born out of fear: Fear incapacitates you. When you are afraid of something, you don’t want to do it. Be in this fear long enough and soon, this “don’t want” turns into a “can’t” attitude -- creating a mental block in your head, making you believe that you are limited. Continue to keep this fear alive and you’ll be limited forever.
3. Limitations are born out of lack of patience: “If you can’t do it right now, you can never do it” – it’s what I was told when I was 17 years old. I got insecure and tried to do it over and over again. But, I couldn’t. After so many failures, I put my hands up and surrendered. It was only a month ago that I finally was able to do the headstand – the “it”. It taught me that my limitation came because I was told I couldn’t do it right then and there. 
4.  Limitations are born out of not leaving the zone: You know what “zone” I am talking about, right? It's a fairyland place that's just too comfortable for you to leave. You believe that if you leave it, you’ll never be able to return to it. It’s much like the fear of going into the office -- believing that if you leave, you won’t have a home.

All of these tell you one thing, Limitations are self-imposed. It’s much like a self-imposed exile, where you have compelled yourself to resign within your ZONE. Time to get out of it!

Seeing through and burning the lies of limitation is good and all, but what is the practical approach to it? How can one overcome the limitations if a limiting mindset is entrenched in our brain so deep and for so long?

Overcoming the limitations

There is a saying from Kung Fu Panda: control is an illusion. However, that’s only half of the wisdom. Yes, Control IS an illusion, but it’s an illusion you can control. You can turn it off, and take control of your life. When you do that, the shroud of limitation is lifted and you can finally move forward:

1. Have an overarching spiritual goal in your life. 

It’s a big thing to have a goal, and it’s certainly not easy. That’s why, don’t stick to material goals, and stick with the ones that are more spiritual in nature.

I shall not bow down facing bad things.

I will always make eye contact.

I will try to wake up every day with new energy.

When you look deeply, these spiritual goals are short-term material goals that you NEED TO WISH FOR. Wake up each and conduct yourself as per these goals. Soon, you’ll forget anything remote about limitations.

 

2. Time to say bye-bye to the comfort zone:

Comfort zones are well....comfortable. They are like cushions of mental and physical degradation and decadence that’s so warm to just relax in. Hmmmmmm!!

But, this cushion will soon put itself over you and choke your self-respect.

So, unless you want it to happen, get out of your comfort zone right now. How? Do the very thing you are being lazy about; after you finished reading this article.

 

3. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes:

There is nothing to learn if you are not willing to make and accept your mistakes. Mistakes are failures, and like Yoda said, they are the “greatest teachers”. Don’t be afraid to make them, for they will tell you how to improve upon them. 

But make sure that you can motivate yourself to rectify your mistakes.

4. Work Smart:

Hard work is a good thing. It relaxes you and gives you confidence – making you believe that you can overcome your limitations. However, to turn this belief into a reality, you need to work smart. Smart work requires thinking about your what's holding you back, and asking yourself “why”. Pretty soon, you'll realize that the only answers you have are excuses. Stop making them and you stop letting your limitations stop you. 

Conclusion

Limitations are the lies that you tell yourself every day. If you can’t see them as lies, it affects everything and everyone around. However, as soon as you realize one simple truth: nothing is impossible, you will have many ways to overcome them.

"If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread across into your work and life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them" –Bruce Lee.

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Why and How to Motivate Yourself

Do you like being told what to do?

I don’t. In fact, I find it a tad bit patronizing. Being someone who cherishes himself to be a know-it-all, I find being told what to do annoying. As a result, I frown at it, grind my teeth and try my best to ignore it. It’s especially true when I am being told things that I have already heard so many times.

You can do it.

You can be so much more.

Clean your room.

Even though I don’t like hearing these words, sometimes I have to listen. Why? It’s because for better or for worse, these words act as an external source of motivation for me.

However, the world is become increasingly self-centric. And it’s not wrong in any way. Independence is the new currency of today’s economy and becoming self-serving and self-managing is the way to succeed in this world. Therefore, it’s time to look for an internal source of motivation.

This is where self-motivation comes in.

Why you should look for internal motivation?

Self-motivation has been the common denominator in the lives of several success stories. While you can look at the old entrepreneurs to attest to this fact, it’s the new entrepreneurs that inspire us to self-motivate.

Jack Ma, the former CEO of Alibaba, a multi-national conglomerate holding company that is redefining our today, had the most humble beginnings. Raised by two musician storytellers, his childhood was spent in a lower middle class household and his adult life was dealing with constant rejections – 30 of them.

30 failed job attempts! It’s safe to say that Jack Ma didn’t have much when it comes to an external source of motivation. However, he still carried forward. But, he failed again – twice this time at establishing his own ventures.

It wasn’t until 1995 that his visit to USA turned into his ultimate crucible – his eureka moment. Introduction to internet changed him. The first words he searched for was “beer”. He saw several results, many of them with Chinese symbols on them. But, when he entered “China”, there were no results. It was then that his motivation gave him the goal that changed the world forever.

Alibaba started as a result of this motivation. Today, its worth is $36.2 billion. As for Jack Ma, he stands as a beacon of hope and motivation for aspiring entrepreneurs all over the world with being ranked as one of the greatest leaders of the world by Fortune magazine.

Just imagine what would'vee happened if Jack Ma solely relied upon external sources of motivation. He almost had none of it. But, the screams of de-motivating circumstances in his life were loud enough to shush the sources of external motivation.

He pushed himself forward. He carried on with style and grace and now, he has run so far that the world is ready to follow him.

Keep Fighting, keep changing yourself and don’t complain- Jack Ma

Jack Ma isn’t the only one. Today, all entrepreneurs rode the stallion of internal motivation to push themselves forward and become successful. All of them are:

1. Pushed forward with a diamond-like resolve.
2. Believed in what they are doing
3. Persisted in the face of rejections
4. Looked at rejections and failures as an opportunistic spring-board to jump higher and achieve more.

Despite being the greatest in this field, they are still humans. It’s time that you and I take a lesson or two from them for self-motivation.

Introspect and motivate yourself

Introspection is a way of looking into yourself and form an honest opinion about your being.

Am I doing it right?

Am I doing it wrong?

Am I achieving all that I could?

Am I living my life to the fullest potential?

I bet that even when you introspect, most of the answers you have are filled with excuses. Don’t worry. Even, I lie to myself. But when it’s your future at stake, pushing through these lies and getting to the truth becomes the core of pushing yourself forward and achieving what you want to achieve.

This is the very first step towards self-motivation -- learning to be honest with yourself. Once you've learned that, you can follow the tips that I have researched and now trying to apply in my own life.

1. Get started: If you have a task, just start doing it. Motivation will make you perform the task in a more flavourful and favourable manner, but you don’t need it to start your task. Just start doing what you are doing, by 2 or 3 minutes, motivation will catch up to you.
2. Play an energetic music: Music creates excitement in your brain. Sometimes, it can make you cry, sometimes it can make your life and sometimes, it burns a fire within you to push forward. There are several epic soundtracks available online, which you when listen to will make you rise like a phoenix.

       Checkout this Two steps from hell playlist to start

3. Don’t ignore external motivation: Yes, you heard it correctly. One of the best ways to motivate you is to look for external sources of motivation. be in the presence of positive. All you need is to get inspired by them and let their positive energy burn a fire of motivation in you.
4. Learn to forgive yourself: Perfection is an enigma. No one is perfect and it expecting it creates a load of problems. But pursuing it is the way to success. You are not perfect, and pursuing it will make you stumble. When that happens, the motivation can go downhill. Grant yourself some levity, and forgive yourself.
5. Look at failures as opportunities: Failures, rejections and problems are problems whose solutions are yet to be found. In other words, they are opportunities that once realized, can be a propeller to the rocket to your dreams.
6. Look at yourself in the mirror and realize how far you’ve come: While looking and attending only to the past is wrong, comparing the past and present can be productive. What were you yesterday and what you are today are different versions of you. If new you feel worse, breath deeper and hope for a better today. If it feels good, be happy and push forward.
7. Remind yourself the reason you are working: Having a clear cut goal in life removes many mental blocks you feel when trying to move forward. Find something to focus on and you'll be motivated easily. With each step you take and each fall you make, remind yourself of your end goal. Hunger for it, and let propel you.
8. Focus on just one thing: It’s cool and stylish to be a multi-tasking ninja. But it’s also quite difficult. If you are down in the motivation department, focus on one thing only. Make it your endgame. It’ll become your clear cut goal and you’ll soon be loaded with self-motivation.
9. Clear your surroundings to have a clear mind: If your mind is filled with clutter, making room for motivation can be difficult. As what you think is mostly inspired by what you see, make sure that your surroundings are clean. It will remove much of the clutter from your brain. It gives you the ability to think clearly. And when you can think clearly, you have a better chance to absorb motivation from your work.

Conclusion

The world is getting increasingly self-serving. To survive here, you need motivation, and except some motivational speakers, the only way to get it is looking within yourself. Let your body become an absorbing instrument and use the surroundings and what lies within to motivate yourself.

Self motivation is a result of maturity. And maturity comes after you've learned the way to accept your failures. Learn to accept your first very first failure and success will be within your reach. 

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How to Accept Failure for the First Time

It was 6:30. It was time for me to leave the office. It should’ve been an ecstatic feeling – leaving the office. But that wasn’t the case. Something was wrong. As I exited the office doors with my colleague, there was something slowing me down.

“We should make our way through CCD to the bus stop” – I recommended to my brisk-walking colleague.

“Sure” – and we walked on the path decided.

The reason for my sudden attention towards Café Coffee Day (CCD) wasn’t something I craved. I am not a big fan of this place. The reason for my focus was the recent harrowing news: “CEO of Café Coffee Day Committed Suicide”.

Newspapers and articles had a lot of theories. The most common among them was pressure and feeling of abject failure. It was then that I started browsing LinkedIn. One of my connections there wrote an interesting post about the failure to accept first-time failure.

In the post, she stated how facing failure for the first time can be difficult for someone who hasn’t been developed for hardships. It made me think of when I was in 6^th grade, of not passing in first term mathematics. Of how it made me feel.

I’m this blog, we are going to look back at the time I faced my first instance of failure. Along the way, we will discover the importance of accepting failure. And finally, we will know what’s to be done to take that leap, and accept it for the first time.

Let’s talk about how does it feel to fail for the first time

6^th grade was a long time ago. But I remember it like it was yesterday. You always remember your first time. Tears didn’t even wait for a second before pouring out.

What will I tell mumma?

I am a good student. She can’t fail me!

Sir Maarenge!

Each thought was coupled with a heavy crying and a heavy breath. It felt like I couldn’t breathe. The world was spinning. I cried so much that the teacher took pity on me – and passed me. It wasn’t any better. I mean, what would a 90 percenter do with 40 marks? It still felt like a failure then.

So, let me list what it felt like?

1. Denial: I refused to acknowledge that I failed. I must’ve gone to the teacher 6 times to get the paper re-checked. Of course, I was rebuffed but now I realize that I was in denial.
2. Dread: I was afraid of how my parents would react. I was afraid of how my teachers would say about me. And, I was afraid of not being able to go anywhere from there.
3. Self-pity: I didn’t know what the word meant back in those days, but I know now. It was self-pity. Feeling continuously sorry for my self was a nice comfortable place. I felt like I am this faceless, hopeless, little kid that couldn’t just make it.

All I wanted at that moment was to go back in time, redo my exam and change my marks. It got so bad that in moment, I started to day dream about it.

And then, it arrived. A defence mechanism that could conquer all the three points. It was so powerful, that if I had stuck with it, I would’ve destroyed my whole life.

‘Excuses!’

Excuses are great diversions from the truth. They, literally hold our face and turn it away from our shortcomings. They are the lies that we ourselves can believe in to feel better. For a 6^th grader, it’s an easy path. Why won’t it be? We don’t have any responsibility when we are 12 years old.

However, it made accepting that first failure a bit easier. Don’t think the same will work for a grown-up. Excuses are believable lies and they end up holding more than just our lives in their hands. Therefore, we need to look at a better way to accept the first-time failure.

Accepting first failure is the first step of emotional growth

Now, it would seem odd to you as I started the blog talking about an adult and now, I am using the 12-year-old me as a platform to tell you how it feels. Don’t worry about it! It turns out, not excepting failure is a sign that we haven’t grown up yet.

If you doubt it, just remember Chatur (Silencer) Ramalingam from 3 idiots.

Accepting failure for the first time is a path of actual emotional growth. It’s a part of life that every successful soul has to understand.

Sustaining success is impossible without facing and accepting your first failure

Secret of accepting failure for the first time

Traditionally, someone like me would explain the 7 stages of depression to you. But, I won’t. Failure is not depression. It’s not a bad thing. Once you truly understand what failure is, you’ll accept it:

1. The first failure is a blessing in disguise: Your very first failure is a gift to you. It’s a step presented to you to move forward. Granted, sometimes, failures are going to make you re-evaluate your choices, but that’s what they are here for. To help us look back on choices.
2. First failure is a disruption in your life: Disruption means disturbance. However, in this era, it has been seen as something that can shake the system. A disruption is a wake-up call for you. It’s an alarm that pushes you with a strange renewed strength that you are not aware of.
3. First failure is a sign of your growth: Recently, a quote was sent to me, it said “If you are walking too fast without any issues, something is wrong”. As soon as you face such issues, you’re going to look for solutions to tackle them. It’ll open your mind and make you more mature.
4. First failure presents you with opportunities: Sometimes, we focus so much on the failure that we don’t look around it. My content was recently rejected by someone, but at the same time, I was told why I was rejected. I finally found the exact point where I have to focus on. If such a thing can happen to me, it can definitely happen to you.

Don’t focus on failure, focus on why you failed and it’ll become a greatest gift that you ever received.

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How to Deal with the Depression of not getting in DU

“Ro mat beta” –the mother consoled her daughter, Neha, while moving her fingers across her face, trying to wipe the non-stop stream of tears.

 

“I want to die Mumma” – Neha cried her words out

Her mother started crying too.

 

Delhi University's fifth – and possibly final – cut off list is out. Neha couldn't make the cut. Many of you have entered your dream colleges. Many of you had to compromise because of low marks, but you made into DU. My congratulations to you both.

And there are some of you, who couldn’t succeed in the fifth cut off. How are you feeling?

Let me tell you how Neha is feeling. She is gripped by a feeling of a hopeless abyss. Delhi University was an Everest for her, one she was sure that she could climb. But lower-than-cut-off marks halted her progress. Now depression has her, and she is contemplating something terrible.

Friends, by now, you and I have heard all there is to hear about depression. Of how it can consume everything including your habits, your focus and in extreme cases, your will to move forward. It is a dark place – a tunnel with no light on either side. It feels like there is no way out. As a result, you resign within yourself, hopeless. In India, this feeling of utter hopelessness claims one student’s life every hour.

It is time we did something about it!

Let us deal with this depression

Depression is just so hard to talk about. At times, you would feel the constant clawing of inner pain, but still, are unable to express it. Have courage, it is the greatest strength to have during depression. It is also one of the most difficult things to have. Especially, when you feel that feeling anything positive, let alone feeling anything is impossible. But it is courage that pushes you forward to express yourself. And when you do, someone will be there to sincerely listen to you.

But how to muster the courage to talk about depression:

1. Be yourself: Being yourself while facing disappointments is difficult, but its better than hiding inside your own self. While it's a comfortable place, it can draw you further into the abyss. It is time to come out of your shell. Time to show your distaste about the situation to the world. Show how you feel. By being yourself you communicate what you are feeling to the one sincerely willing to listen. 
2. Find an escape: You can't hide from your despair, but you can distract yourself to find momentarily levity. Do something you like, something good that you can find an escape in. There must be something that your true self likes. it does not matter if they are big or small. Just give it a shot. You will start to feel something -- making it easier to strengthen your will. 
3. You don’t have to build courage alone: Think of someone who cares for you. They can be your boyfriend, girlfriend, brother, sister and even parents. Have them around you. Building courage does not have to be a one-person job. In fact, it never is. With someone around, you will find it comfortable to be yourself, and they can be around to pull you out of your escape.

Once courage builds, you’ll find yourself in a place where you can talk about your depression.

You will soon Realize - DU doesn’t Matter

When you start talking about it, then the true therapy will then begin. It will make you realize.:

• DU isn’t the be-all and end-all of all higher education: DU doesn’t matter. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. I know… I know, it was part of your dream that you couldn’t realize. Instead, realize this, there are many universities just as much fun and fruitful as Delhi University. They also have value and can set you on a good path.

• Your future can’t be told by your marks today: Personally, I don’t believe that there is any difference between a student who got 91% and the one who scored 95%. I am not a college, so I don’t discriminate between the two. And you know what, both of us don’t matter. Your future is defined by your acts, not your marks.

• Your skills aren’t going anywhere: Depression of not getting into DU stems from one reason – the feeling of “itna kuchh kiya, kya fayeda”. You believe that your efforts were in vain. But, you know what? They weren't. You passed your school! You still have the skills that made you cool. They aren’t going anywhere. The world is much bigger than DU, where you can apply these skills

• You can live above the competition: Have you checked the DU Cut-offs recently? Students from all over face non-admission due to lacking as low as point 1 percent. Now I know, how does it feel being “almost” realizing your dream, but not succeeding. I myself tried a third attempt at UGC NET, got disqualified by 3 marks. THREE MARKS! But you know what? I am still here -- writing the positive and right. I have learned to live above the competition. I write -- you can do something better – a lot better.

Realizing these four will lift your spirits, even if you feel now that positivity can’t happen to you. The tunnel will finally have a light – showing you where to go. 

Conclusion

I hope you know by now that your life and your feelings are more important than your admission in Delhi University. I am not going to lie. It's not going to be easy, or quick fix to suppress that depressed feeling. But, when you finally open up, you will feel better.

 

 

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